The Fire Itself

“move, grow, do, make”

Of late, more often, I’ve been fretting about future. What’s gonna happen, will everything fall into place or will it stop falling into place, the expectations, norms, appropriateness & such dimwitted, dark thoughts. I felt, I misplaced my childhood carefree abandon light years away in some long lost galaxy, now an unknown black hole. Recent bout of brain dump readings on statistical thinking left me flabbergasted at the monstrosity of randomness plaguing our lives, holding us above an abyss of uncertainty.  I often catch myself unaware lost in the crypts of ‘what-ifs’ worrying about aftermaths & ramifications plunging me into the ever sucking quagmire of pessimism. Strange in itself that the more things go right, more we fear of it going wrong next, yet more the tendency for taking things for granted.  I was, here & there, in a snit, falling into a hissy fit, squabbling over silly things to fake control over big things.

I could see that this whole clinging, fumbling, clumsy materialistic attachment all fueled by fear of uncertainty was making me increasingly less as an individual, timid as a man & unidimensional a person. The whole trek was a putrid, rotten pavement of thorns leading to jackass-ery of colossal ego & massive asshole-ism.

So, I took a long stroll. Thought back to those colorful, sunlit days of clueless resolve & innocent hope.  Back to the days of earnest trying, hearty laughs & genuine cries. Days of solemnity & playfulness; of dreams & deeds.

Then I stumbled upon it like coming across an old friend. The Fire. The Anger. The pure impetus. The high octane fuel of dream & passion.

There are certain things which you always loved, always wanted, always cherished. There is a certain someone you always saw yourself to be. Aggregate of all those, you defined as your identity, simultaneously both within you & at a distant summit of destiny. Call it the path to salvation or course to nirvana, blazing this trial has been the whole point, all the while. Plodding a laborious, enduring yet deliberate path, forged by choices with an unwavering sight of destiny.

Everything else in life, all other thoughts & actions are nothing but mindless distractions, random time-fillers, or some parlor amusement at a lazy stopover or a resting transit on this journey. Yet vile snares at times to get you off-track.

The fire itself, which is within, is both the guide & the path to realization of your self-image, thus the only factor tugging at your existence. You may throw in a bit of an elegant swagger while at it because you know in your heart of hearts that this is right & this can only be right, for this is the ultimate motivation of life.

 

Love

Vishnu

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

“Do not go gentle into that good night,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

I know, Interstellar hangover. Come to think of it, Dylan Thomas’ poem is grimly befitting given the fact that technically we’re closer to death with each passing moment. Basically it just means to go out with a bang, rather a whimper. I think, in more ways than one that’s all that matters in a world where each person is in the act of storytelling without any reason whatsoever. Whole business is to just stay busy. After all everything in universe is in motion. So if you push it, better push it hard.

There are highs & lows, wins & beatings, lucky bets & just misses, wise moves & foolhardy impulses. And given the fact that we are a generic bag of chemicals with a distinct bag of experiences we may never quite wrap our heads around the fact that universe doesn’t give a crap. So we do stuff to make sense of situations which when happens to others we don’t skip a beat before shrugging it off as gifts or curse of randomness. Only action that’s existentially relevant is to move forward. Doing stuff that need or should be done with a panache that’s slick & sexy.

We gaze out at the world through specs made hazy by dust of biases, dirt of prejudices & scratches of preconceived notions. Given this handicap how can we ever attempt to quantify concepts like moral judgements, moral relativism, moral superiority, self righteousness & super ego? Trying to employ abstract tools to achieve concrete results is generally a bad idea. All I can think for certain about morality is that it was invented for survival & empathy is becoming a popular solution. As long as anything is harmless to self & others in strictly pragmatic sense, I don’t understand why something should be deemed taboo. It’s entirely up to one’s own liberty how he/she manages to reconcile with his/her moral self image.

People do things coz that’s what they want to do, need to do or feel like to do. It would save us a whole lot of time & embarrassment if we could do away with hindsight rationalizations since our lizard brain is the final arbiter. My friend commented he’d give off his legs for Buffet’s fortune (a utilitarian; not a prospect theory fan). But even given my intense fascination for multiverses, quantum entanglement & dark matter I for one would never trade my sex drive for Hawking’s intellect.

There’s only so much you can try; so much you can cry; so much you can make; so many you can save, so much you can give up & so much you can screw up, but while you’re at it, there’s a lot you can DO. To keep filling life in this tiny span of life. And to squeeze & cram some more in. To burn high octane fuel & to go out with a bang.

The Whitebread conundrum

 

“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”    -James A. Garfield

This one is about the common trappings of whitebread lifestyle; namely ‘you-got-to-be-this-in-order-to-be-that’ mentality. What fun is it if you don’t personalize the only thing that you’ve got for real & just for once; the thing we call Life? How can you outsource it’s design to a set template? A template of banal rituals, blind consumerism, manicured lawns, sexless marriages, religious pride, conservatism & truckload of hypocrisies. What originality remains in playing catch up; keeping up with the Kardashians? The whole deal purely sucks, making you just another member of ‘morally righteous yet emotionally dysfunctional & spiritually bankrupt’ club of so called yuppies & whitebreads.

 
After ‘mechanics’ of industrial revolution & ‘proliferation’ of ‘informational revolution, its gonna be ‘fluidity’ of creative revolution. The barriers of language, geography, politics, culture & tradition are torn down to give way for the global unifying theme of ‘emotion’. Today the digital world is appealing to this emotional factor primarily manifested through evolution of social media. The best talent is scouted from across the world not according to performance yardsticks on a particular task, but with the intent to find out what they’ve got to ‘contribute’ to realize the business vision.

 
The whitebread way of living puts you in a conscious/unconscious search for greater good or deeper meaning. These 2 terms are complete horseshit when you think about your own mortality. A lot of time is wasted finding meaning versus forging meaning. All you’ve got is ‘here & now’. Only making the most out of it mindfully sounds sensible. Now, this includes materialistic, emotional & spiritual well-being.

The ultimate charity is not giving away our wealth, but to live our life to the fullest; for others to draw inspiration from. A winning attitude & kickass spirit is the greatest gift anyone can offer. The greatest morality is the one that allows you to survive & thrive. Either move mountains or die trying.

 
The whitebread-ishness also disconnects us from our basic animalistic killer instinct by putting a fake façade of ‘fittingness’ & making us impotent. Default human nature is ‘to hunt’, ‘to score ‘, ‘to achieve’, ‘to explore’, ‘to know’, ‘to create’, ‘to thrive’, ‘to live’ but whitebread-ishnesss makes you unimaginative, leaving you to atrophy & die while still ‘technically’ living.

 
Finally, the whitebread mindset enslaves you into the trap of social acceptance. The world doesn’t work or not work in any particular way. It just reacts. People get what they get, not what they deserve. Knowing this is enough to break away from the ‘follower’ mindset. What good is freedom, if you can’t do what you want to do? Ultimately, it is a question of accepting your uniqueness to giving yourself away to being the proverbial cog in the huge machine; to live or to just coast through life. Choice we got to make for every heartbeat & pulse. Its up to us to define our own version of ‘cool’ & ‘oomph’ factor.

Love

Vishnu

Panacea

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.” – Albert Einstein

Blood gushing through your veins at a supersonic frenzy; an adrenaline tsunami repressed by a pall of cortisol; neurons firing in an erratic fashion falling into one of the dangerous patterns; mind splinterized into a million shards, each a distinctive black hole waiting with its mouths wide open to suck you into an abyss of nothingness filled with a shitload of unfounded doubts & fears crapped out of intrusive thought monsters going round in a vicious whirlwind……..same old boring story!

All it takes is a shift in perspective, an intentional distraction. Getting into action. Focusing on positive incentives & using will power to wade through emotional hijacks which cause brain locks. Being in the here & now, yet allowing the anchored mind to be rightly adrift to allow for the flow of creative juices. Having artistic integrity & a bunch of homegrown values & purpose to give you the visceral feeling of right vs wrong & thereby meaning. Being self-aware, through self-revelation; in-turn through self-narration (the whole fake-it-till-you-make-it thingy), yet through self-fostering, paving the way to self-actualization. Savoring the open awareness; taking in the richness of the moment; having the courage to lose oneself in serendipity; being fully alive. Zeroing in on what really matters & trashing the abstract & vague. Apply-ing rather than analyse-ing. Stepping back, observing, letting go, relaxing. Doing the work you love, being in the flow, staying motivated & relishing its pleasure. One & only one panacea for this conundrum we call life & that is….to remain happy & to stay mindful…!

Love

Vishnu

Life Reloaded

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, its whether you get back up.” – Vince Lombardi

Past 6 months have been really tumultuous. Lot of negativity, self doubt, lack of confidence, over thinking & lackadaisical attitude.  Things weren’t going as per plan & belief & faith took a backseat. Anyways, this gave me some on-your- face revelations & also a large headspace for long awaited reflections. Here’s some of my findings:-

• There are some things out of our control. No use worrying about it. Let go. Don’t let it limit what we still CAN do.
• Complaining or worrying = wasted time. Find something is wrong, try to fix it.
• Eliminate negative, energy sucking people & things from life; its out of our own self respect.
• Mindfulness -> Do one thing at a time with full focus. Getting involved & engaged fully in a task gives the highest kick.
• Keep it lightweight & simple. Don’t make things too technical, mechanical & serious which kinda takes the fun out of it. After all we are the ones making or breaking it; no big deal.
• Happy -> Success, not other way round. Keep smiling, make merry & laugh out loud. Time is limited. Things happen, good & bad, but that shouldn’t define our perspectives.
• Our body & brain are organic entities. It needs fuel to run & regular maintenance & power boosters to perform at the best. Good food, deep sleep, exercise & meditation should become a habit.
• Have decent discipline & work hard, eventually we WILL figure out a way.
• Keep diamond-solid faith; should be your energy succor.
• To be is TO DO.

Many of it may sound cliched, but when you go through stuff & make it, you know it WORKS…

Love

Vishnu

Love

“Love is eternal,

But beings are transient & memories fade..

Life beckons you to its limitless horizon & bountiful vivacity,

Awaiting to bathe you with its sundry vicissitudes..

Battles may be lost, but war is to be won

For war is freedom & freedom engenders love

A love that is in the now..

Only to be relished & cherished 

In a season when bloomingdales flourished.”

Good news of 2013

2013 was supposed to be about change. Change of place, people, culture & the way things are done. Well, nothing has changed in the universal truth that all things cool & fun are still either illicit or illegal (except in Amsterdam & Hamburg). But more than change, it was the year of a cerebral roller coaster ride. Aside from emboldening the tried, tested & verified facts such as ‘god doesn’t exist’, ‘females are ingeniously capricious’, ‘in the end nothing really matters’ & ‘no one actually gives a shit’, 2013 revealed the lack of serotonin in my brain fuelling the above mentioned fun ride. Sharing OCD with Megan Fox or Justin Timberlake is no great news to relish when you’re getting bogged down in the mire of despair by shit-storm of thought monsters. There’s a vortex that you get into that keeps you spinning in a vicious circle inside a thought bubble. Anyways I’ve not lost it yet & whatsoever remaining is enough to kick ass & balls. As someone said, when choice of exercising choice stares at you, you can’t blame everything on biochemical crap-talk & cave in. If OCD was an exotic chic, I’d have poppycocked the drivel out of it.

Both for emotional & pragmatic goals 2013 was a success. A huge one at that. One thing at a time works. Randomness chose to randomly take the back seat & didn’t bother to trouble. Means were hard to resist & ends, easy to come by. Favorable deck of cards to begin with. Romanticism was given its due & a fairy tale ending of ‘happily ever after’ effloresced.  But given our organic nature, emotional goals are swopping targets. New whims & chimerical delusions in the Atlantis of fantasia are taking shape. Direct mind flight from high to high & kick to kick without any transit. Nevertheless, pragmatic goals with its oxy-moronic pragmatic glamor holds no sensual demands & float aloft it’s unpalatable blandness & intellectual glibness. They’re just to be met, fulfilled or done; nothing more.

Cool-ness & wits are apparently still the yardstick for self-esteem & sexual drive. Ironically, utility is of no use anymore. Vanity is still the most uncool being the slippery slope & the composition of higgs boson are so twisted in this universe that there are times when ignorance can be bliss. Evidently, everything starts sweet, only to turn sour, both newborn & newlyweds. Given enough time ‘Ergodicity’ ensures that even Zach Galifianakis can nail Scarlett Johansson. This so called ‘enough time’ may work fine with hooking up, but in matters concerning something that actually matters, time doesn’t necessarily budge a dust. Doing stuff alone changes status quo. Maturity is nothing but wrinkled skin & delayed responses.

There were some biologically & rationally inexplicable responses from people. I mean there actually is an ‘e’ after ‘human’. Unconditional motherly love is not statistically rare as it is made out to be. Also jealousy, insecurity & infidelity are overrated. In most cases, there is no problem to begin with, but only a voyeuristic guilt trip for just being unconventional. Or is it a marketing strategy? A lot is left unheard & unheeded amidst the hue & cry of selling the allure of individualistic achievement to the extent that it can make you a jerk. Subscribing to the invisible hand of capitalism building the market efficiency can make an ass out of you in this day & age of gallows humor & fluid intelligence. And by the way, popular perception of intelligence & intellect sucks. Do accidental random neuron firings deserve such respect? This is a time when experience beats success. Dude, does it really matter who is numero uno? Can there be one? Are we still that rustic?

Thinking of ‘what could be’ & ‘what could’ve been’ are utterly pointless ruminations. I’m not propounding the loser argument of ‘what should be, will be’, but given the fact that a painful moment is 2.5 times more intense (adrenaline rush) than a pleasurable moment & our brain is genetically incapable of fathoming its own mood swings, give it a rest & chillax. Optimism & affirmations are good mind tricks but beware of the side effects of hypocrisy & impotency.

Everything said & done, translated to English, life may suck & love will be just a futile synonym to lust, but there’s no reason not to laugh it all off. Gallows humor is my latest fetish. It’s not escapism; it’s the much needed reminder that, it’s no big deal after all. However, no harm in playing it all again, once more; in fact there’s only fun.

Axis

Why is it so necessary to have a unifying theme? Why is it so pressing to have a single style? Why is it an obligation that you should follow a single school of thought? Why is it a matter of integrity that you follow same religion throughout your life? Why is it an obligation that you subscribe to the same culture & tradition of the family/community you were born to? Why is it that you always have to base your argument on a so called ‘accepted’ reality? Why is it a prerequisite to apply your line of reasoning to an existing concept? Why is it that you always have to look for an anchor to support your convictions? Why is it that we always need reassurances from an external entity? Why is this futile hankering for approval? Why has it become so difficult to be independent? Why is it that we always need an axis to revolve around? Because, that’s what we have seen & taught to do from childhood. The more knowledge you acquire, the more you become aware of the delusions of God concept, patriotism, and politics & with experience we also get to know how much we overrate or underrate family & friends. Truth is always far from the presumed reality & you realize conventional wisdom, being so subjective is often wrong.  The fact that we always look for external endorsement & define new things based on already existing ones just shows how less sure we are of ourselves, or taught to do so. Somehow we manage to kill the self-esteem & confidence in the first place. Some say it’s because we become realists rather than optimists & it’s safer to factor in all the contributing elements & stick to what’s known. Well, the truth is most realists around are chronically depressed people. Reason being they can only look at ‘what can’t be done’ vs. ‘what can be done’. Now that’s bullshit because that’s not how we get something worthwhile done. In order to achieve something big we got to have irrational provocations. Bars of expectation should be set real high. Setting higher standards is important. Then work is to be put in. Day in day out. It becomes a process. On & on, until it’s achieved & then you start the next pursuit. That’s how a life is made worthwhile. And understanding this is no rocket science if you’ve ever tried to do something. The person, who sits with what he has, always sits with what he has; to get something new, he got to try something new. Patterning is good for routine tasks, but basing your every action on past results is foolish. What worked yesterday may not work today. Things ought to be done & you do what works. It just is that simple. There is no need for an axis. In cosmic scale, we are a tiny speck both in terms of space & time, so we might as well put all the trust & belief in ourselves & march forward.

Love

Vishnu Sivaprasad

Taste of Europe

I just love it here. Aesthetic castles, open cafes, musical bands, cobbled streets, intricate cathedrals, Halloween people, kissing couples, tweeting sparrows, cold beer, buttered croissants and the hot latte macchiato. The romantic open cafes with fancy tables stretched along the sidewalk under broad blue and red awnings. The tenor of peace, fragrance of freedom and song of joy bountiful all around. Pulse of a colourful life palpable in the air. Tall church bells, thatched cottages, wind mill fields at horizon, beer gardens and gothic & roman edifices along with bland Spartan structures, all blended seamlessly with sophisticated buildings, breath-taking sky scrapers (this few & far between) and funky malls. A crossover of American sophistication and European elegance. A utopia built by kind words of ‘bitte’, ‘Entschuldigung’ Tut mir leid, but also with a required tinge of self-interest, ‘Keine Ahnung’.

The cities are a work of art which comes as no surprise given the fact that this has been the birthplace of artistic legends as Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Picasso, Antoni Gaudi, Salvador Dali & hundred others. There are brooks, meadows and lakes spread all across Munich created artificially just to be the cynosure of eye. Also the fun element of punk American style is kept alive in pubs, night clubs and street walls with graffiti. Everything’s so neat, organised, planned and well executed, all the while keeping it so easy for comprehension by foreigners. Be it the case of public transport (metro, tram, taxi, bus), crisscrossed, connecting nook and cranny of Europe and functioning at clockwork precision, or the case of education wherein there is no pressure to follow a curriculum of any sort, but freedom to have one of your own as per your taste. The system is built in a near perfect manner as sought after by a default human mind-set that you never think of having it your way or going astray. You just can’t afford to litter your chocolate wrapper or coffee cup, no matter how condescending you are by nature.

People care and acknowledge. It’s unbelievable that this same world had once been under the reins of Totalitarian rule of Nazis or under the hedonistic grip of Napoleon. People have a zest for life; doing language courses at odd ages, doing farming for pure fun factor being a white collared professional or playing piano round the corner of the street. They are so lost in oozing the juice of art and exploring the shades and hues of life (food and music) that, they don’t have time left to complain or mourn. Also there is a sense of belongingness in them towards the whole of mankind irrespective of you being a non-European, they show concern, if you ask for it. A total stranger rummaged the whole of a supermarket in search of oil for me, owning it has his business to find the right oil, for me, even when the shop closing time was nigh. A couple only left my side until they had ensured that I was ensconced rightly in the Staatsbibliothek (a public library, out of many). And of course, they figure top in the charts, in case of formal pleasantries, holding the door for strangers, and returning your stuffs if you happen to fling it around without care, a rarity in this iWorld. And of course, saying and meaning what they say goes hand in hand with Europeans (very much unlike Asians).

Sunrise, sunset, lakes, breeze, drizzle and morning due, the hues of firmament changing as the hours pass by. It seems that only wonders of light exist, and treachery of dark is non-existent. The very sense of being is made euphoric that the pure joy is to be savoured as tasting a fine French wine or having a wondrous lovemaking session. The train zigzags its way through the lovely hamlets, above and under city bridges, through dairy farms, underground tunnels, and city squares. The sunlight struggles through the foggy and snow-white only to give an extra shine to blooming. I wish to light a million candles to the eloquence of this country. A new leash of life is offered in every shade and hue of this country. Every element of this god laden nation urges you to lift your veil, spread your wings and to take flight, to savour life to the fullest. An avenue to play in abandon.

I see this civilization as a spectacle, a mark of human achievement, nothing short of a masterpiece.  My days here are numbered now, feeling the pangs of separating from such true & vivid reflections of human emotions & mastery. Promising to return to this man-made heaven on earth, I’m preparing to bid adieu.

Love

Vishnu Sivaprasad

Doctors

Ok. Now let me get this straight. I kind of, hate doctors. My parents wanted me to become one; I didn’t want to & instead ended up becoming a software professional. Persistent pestering & worried faces made me hate this whitewashed lot. But here’s the thing. Even though I didn’t want to become a doctor, technically, I always wanted to have the equal magnitude of respect, knowledge & impact wiz let me say, unparalleled, since the CEO also got to wait for one, outside their consulting room. In a way you can say graduating as a doctor gets you license to boss around anyone. The ultimate boss. The condescending wizened look from those rimmed glasses, penetrating through your being threatening to tear you apart of guilt. The smirking snort let out blatantly condemning your lifestyle & habits.

They say that handwriting reflects a person’s personality, but if that is the case then a bunch of wretched personalities are revered the most in the world.  Their scribbles commands respect undeniably. In my school days to become more ‘intelligent’ I started to write illegibly to be enlightened as a doctor. All I got was a big strike across my answer sheets & an hour long lecture from teacher on discipline & neatness. Wonder what those 2 things got to do with handwriting. Anyways, the great thing about this doctor business is that you can pass for being both a philosopher & a scientist; a thinker & an activist & yet manage to be called cool, thanks to our lives being depended upon them.

I think in our subconscious mind we always see them as superior because you know at some point you’ll be stripped naked in front of them, your fears, insecurities & imperfections all for a gaudy display. You know you can’t lie to them, because you believe deep down that they know better, though latter argument is debatable. Respect given to any other profession is relative (i.e. if only need be, respect is doled out). No one can go to a vegetable shop & talk his way out boasting that he/she is Human Resource manager somewhere or a chartered accountant elsewhere. But reverence to doctors is absolute. They are respected everywhere, by everyone, period. The teachers also belong to same genre, but since doctors’ demand among the populace is of an exigent nature, they garner more value & respect.

Come on let’s face it, which sane person doesn’t listen to a doctor? You know that your life depends on those advices & prescriptions. You dash out to pharmacy before anyone gets hold of the last in stock. You pay through your nose for all those god-only-knows-what scans & tests. You know clearly because he/she has brought to the table all the facts, repercussions & ramifications with case studies & all. Everything sounds so sophisticated & elitist that you let them have their way.

So, the point is doctors are formidable. They are important. Now we all know that this is a noble profession & all. How much nobler they got to be rests upon each doctors. Nevertheless, it’s a critical job. Frying up 1000s of servers or failing to add the required number of zeroes in a money transaction is not going to cost anyone’s life. But a snap of a knife or forceps during a surgery is. These lot have all the extra brownie points to the fact that they deal with life & death tete-a-tete. You know in face of death your most important priorities comes to the fore. These doctors job then becomes to juggle with it & protect it. Today, I feel the things I should copy from them are their brand of zany energy, passion, acumen, hard work & ownership (handwriting is anyways the same now, too late :()

Among us all, I think its most for doctors that this holds true:- With great power comes great responsibility.

Love

Vishnu Sivaprasad